Faith
by Eruva
Summary: The things that run through Rory and Jess's minds from when he leaves town and when he comes back to get his car....
1. 3 am Ponderings

.Faith.

Chapter 1-. 3 A.M. Ponderings

A Gilmore Girl's Fan fiction

_By- Eruva_

A/N: I have not watched anything beyond the 4th season; except for a few of the episodes Jess was in. So if anything just seems absorbed, blame it on someone else. Set around the same time Jess gets a call from his mom and then he goes and steals his car back from Luke, I suppose.

Oh the irony, I have written this for two nights in a row and every time I look down at the bottom of my screen it's almost 3 a.m.

Excuse the title for this whole thing I couldn't think of anything better.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls and if I did, I wouldn't have let Jess be such an idiot about dropping out of school…

Hope you enjoy…

----

Contemplating, that was what he was doing now. Actually, it seemed to be what he was always doing when it came to Rory. She confused him. Not confused in the bad sense that made you want to rip you hair out of your skull. Or, the bad way that makes you want to drink a full bottle of vodka in one swig and see if you can still walk straight or, let alone stand. No. Confused in the way that he was sure he could never have felt this way unless he had met her.

He left. He didn't even say goodbye to her and it hurt him every time he thought about it, and he thought about it a lot. It was currently three a.m. and he couldn't sleep, something that happened regularly after Rory had that one sided conversation with him on the phone where we couldn't work up the courage to speak. He was stupid, a coward, and cruel. He knew he shouldn't have done it; he shouldn't have left her without so much as a word, no "sorry"s, no nothing. He tried moving on and found nothing to move onto.

It amazed him to no end. How could he be missing a town that he hated so much? Was it all for Rory, every second of his depression and his sorrow, was it for her? Was it all because he was too stupid and too much of a coward to pick up that phone and dial the number he had already memorized? He turned over in his bed and tried to fall asleep again, doubting it would come, but he had to try.

---

Rory Gilmore was depressed. At first she was angry. When she realized he was sitting next to her on the bus and hadn't bothered to tell her that it might be the last time he saw her. Rory Gilmore was beyond pissed off; she was enraged. She did was she usually did to clear her mind, she ranted off at her mother. Lorelei had been patient and kind, letting her cool off, but the angry time had passed.

Now, she was just depressed. She didn't have a number to call to tell him that she was sorry for what she said at her graduation. If she had the number, she would have told Jess so many different things, the possibilities ran through her mind too often. It was three a.m. and even reading the dullest book on her shelf hadn't made her fall asleep the night before. So she gave up, and switched on the light beside her bed.

Staring up at the ceiling she thought of all the things that had gone wrong recently. There was so much running through her mind that made her miss the simplicity of being ten years old. Thoughts kept running through her head at the speed of light and none of them were welcomed. All she wanted to do was sleep, but she couldn't get his face out of her mind; the face that would bring tears to her eyes when she thought about how he had left. Yet, there was this aching hole in her life since he left, something she knew only he could fill.

It killed her. It killed her thinking and knowing that he would never feel for her what she felt for him. She loved him. Despite all his shortcomings, all his faults and all the times he couldn't find the words to say, she loved him. It was probably, she thought, all this that made her love him. There was something that she would never understand about him. It was the way he made her feel safe, almost at home when she was with him, even though she knew how unpredictable he could be. She drifted to sleep with his face floating across her dreams.

----

_Tbc I think._


	2. Getting Ready

Chapter 2- Getting Ready

_By- Eruva_

A/N: So… I don't know the time line for Gilmore Girls all that well, but, I think between the time that Jess goes back for the car and they day he left, is about a year? Yes? No? Someone tell me.

Umm this one is only of Jess; the next one will be of Rory.

Hope you enjoy this one….

When his mother called to let him know that Luke had his car, Jess knew he was screwed. It was that simple. After a few weeks of wallowing in his guilt, he had come to the conclusion that he loved Rory. Yes, he did, and it was a scary thought. He knew he was screwed because there were two options and neither of them were pretty.

Option A involved going back to Stars Hallow and reclaiming what was his. He could waltz right into town and take his car back. That, however, would not guarantee him safe passage out, even if he sneaky and didn't waltz into town. The biggest problem, though, was the fact that going back to Stars Hallow would probably mean running into her even if he didn't want to. It's not that he didn't want to see her again, but he doubted that she wanted to see him at all. He could only imagine the extent of the damage he caused there, hoping, that it was repairable. Yet, there was a thought running through the back of his mind that it probably wouldn't be mend-able.

Option B involved sitting around knowing his car was lounging in Luke's garage waiting for someone to come get it. He had spent a pretty penny getting that car and he wasn't really willing to let it go to waste. After all the extra shifts he pulled at work and everything that came with, he knew he really couldn't just let the car sit there. Sighing, he made up his mind. He told himself that it was time to face his fears and deal with the situation at hand, and made up his mind to go after the car. After, deciding to avoid Rory at all costs and stay out of sight. If the car needed repairs, he would make them, all the while not seeing the Gilmore's, mother or daughter.

Thinking those thoughts brought many more into his head. What was she like now? Had she changed at all? Gotten a haircut? Changed her coffee habits? Gotten a new boyfriend? Gotten back together with Dean? The options and 'what if's were endless and unwelcoming.

He closed the abandoned book in front of him, knowing it was useless to even try to read anymore. Currently he was sitting in a motel room deciding what the next move was. His father had kicked him out after roughly a month and he was still moving around trying to figure out life. Going back to school was not an option, at least not at this moment, but a GED was defiantly something he needed to complete to be able to live well later on.

He had held a few small jobs, scrapping up money and living how he wanted to. True, he always had to follow what his boss told him, but at least it beat being in school. The location would change every month or so, he just found it hard to settle down, there was always something missing. The feeling of home was always missing. In the year that he had been gone, he had always had her at the back of his mind, not matter how hard he tried. Everything reminded him of her. Some of his favorite books were now cast aside because of the countless hours they had spent arguing over them. Certain songs had to be skipped when listening to CDs. Coffee was now something only taken on need base. Life had changed, and he missed her everyday.

Sick of thinking about what the future had in store and what he'd left behind, Jess lay back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Hopefully, he thought, everything would be fine and he wouldn't have to see Rory, but if not, he was going to need to be able to live through the next day. He decided to leave the next morning.


	3. Dealing

Chapter 3- Dealing

_Eruva_

A/N: From Rory's side & sorry if I made Jess a little to… emo in the last chapter. Life sucks, no? & I'm also very sorry if the next chapter takes me a while to get up, school starts again tomorrow, so I'll get it done as soon as I can.

Enjoy

Rory was still trying to piece her life again. At least she now knew what it felt like to be Jess after Sookie's wedding. No letter, no phone call, no postcard, no smoke signal, nothing. A year and she got nothing. At least, with her being in Yale she was supplied a decent distraction, instead of letting her constantly think about him. Something she would have undoubtedly done if she was still in Stars Hollow.

She had tried dating again, but her heart hadn't quite fit back together yet. It was rare times like this, when she wasn't neck high in work that she thought about him. Not that she didn't on a daily bases, he was always somewhere in the back of her mind. However, on these days, she just sat in her room or on the couch thinking of all the things she missed about him, like his smirk.

Life wasn't the same, and though she tried to flaunt that she was doing fine, anyone who truly knew her could look in her eyes and see the deceit. With that thought in mind, Jess's face immediately was pulled front and center. He knew her better than anyone, excluding her mom. She knew that if he took one look in her eyes, he would see the pain that she was trying to hide. He would see the insecurities, the loneliness and the unhappiness that had come into her life the moment she realized he wasn't every coming back.

It seemed childish to spend so much time thinking about someone who couldn't possibly be thinking about you. She honestly wondered if he was holding up ok. Was he happy now that he was away from Stars Hollow like he had always wanted to be? And, did it hurt him at all to leave her like he did? After all he had been sitting next to her on the bus out of town and hadn't even said a word.

She was sour when he was brought up. Yes, she was mad at him for leaving; but she knew the moment he gave her a decent reasoning, she would forgive him. Try as she might, there didn't seem to be anyone else in her life that could or would take the place that he held. Through all the pain he had caused her, she still loved him. For whatever reasons, she wasn't sure.

There wasn't another person she had met that she felt at ease at like she had with him. No one else was able to argue with her over countless books and bands. People didn't notice that she loved books as much as he noticed. She couldn't help but think that she had given up reading to the extent that she did before she met him and when she was with him.

She spent time playing over the scenes in her mind, wondering what she did wrong. She also wondered if pushing him away that night had anything to do with the reason he left town. In the end, she had decided that it probably did. Somewhere back there, insignificantly, had something to do with it, but she hoped it didn't.

At times she'd think about all the possibilities, if she just knew what number to dial. But she didn't have the number, and when she was completely honest with herself, she wasn't so sure if she'd call. Then there were times when she'd imagine he'd come and talk to her at Yale and tell her that he wanted them to be together, to make it all work. She thought of many different ways those meetings could end, and many different explanations for why he left, but they weren't satisfying, they weren't real.

She wanted to know everything that went on in that mysterious head of his. Knowing they could read each other so well, but still not knowing what to think when he just left, or when he put up his guard. It may have been unfair that he could read the look in her eyes much clearer than she could read the look in his. But, then again, he had years of practice on her, and more pain and let down in his life. She accepted that. She just wanted an explanation.

For the millionth time, or so it seemed, she tucked his memory in the back of her mind and tried to get some sleep. She hoped beyond hope that her next visit to Stars Hollow would be uneventful and she wouldn't see or hear of him. She wanted to avoid the pain and hurt. However, as soon as that thought came to mind, it was swept away by the little voice that told her the truth. As much as she hated the way she felt right now, she loved him and she hoped that she would be seeing him soon, though, she had no idea what she would say or do when she did.

_tbc_


	4. A Proposition

Chapter 4- A Proposition

_Eruva_

A/N: So my conversation writing really needs to improve, hope you don't hold it against me too much. I'm sorry if anything and everything I'm saying about Jess getting a GED sounds really unreasonable. I don't know how long it would take or what it's like. I don't know anything and I'm winging it for this story. Forgive me.

Enjoy.

Jess thought about it many times. In the beginning he was mad at Luke and he thought of just running into town and taking the car without any sort of warning. Then, he realized that that wasn't really the way to go. As strange and unforeseen as it was, Jess wanted to move back to Stars Hollow. So he did the next best thing he could think of.

Remembering that Luke closed the diner up at around 10 p.m. Jess decided to drop in around 10:30 and offer Luke a proposal, he knew it could go anyway, and he was hoping against all hope it would go in his favor. He ran over the numbers in his head and then decided to hell with it. The words that came out of his mouth only worked when he winged it anyways.

At ten thirty he opened the door to the diner with the spare key and walked silently up the stairs. He stood by the door and held his hand up to knock but then took two steps back and looked at the stair way that was calling him to run out of the building. He just stood there for a moment, wondering what life would hold if he ran.

He had a decent handle on life right now. The book he was writing was half way finished. Not that he would let anyone know, he had just lost most of his inspiration. But, he was miserable. Sure, he was miserable when he was in Stars Hollow, but at least he knew he had someone there to help him out if he needed it.

Dropping his bag on the floor he turned around and knocked on the door quickly, before he had the chance to cop out. He heard Luke curse on the other side of the door before walking over to open it. When Jess heard the doorknob begin to turn he took a big breath, hoping things would work out.

"Jess?" Luke asked in surprise.

"Hey." Jess asked with uncertainty in his voice, something Luke only remembered hearing when Jess was around Rory.

"What are you doing here? Are you in trouble?" Luke asked and Jess knew it wouldn't do to get angry over something like this.

"Can we sit? I have something I wanna discuss with you." When Luke looked uncertain Jess quickly added, "No I'm not in trouble."

With that Luke opened the door and the two walked in silently. There was so much hanging in the air that Jess was starting to wonder why he had come.

"Alright Jess, what do you need?" Luke asked, knowing this uncomfortable feeling hanging in the air wouldn't end till they had sorted everything out.

"I'm planning on studying for my GED," Jess started.

"That's good."

"But, I can't study with the amount of hours I have to work if I live in Cali and my father kicked me out."

"Okay"

"So I was wondering…" Jess just let the question sit in the air for a while, until Luke was able to connect all the dots.

"Why should I believe that you're actually going to stick to your word and not just stay here and mess around, like the last time I let you move back?"

Jess squirmed in his chair. He knew this point would be drought up eventually and he honestly didn't have an answer for Luke. "Look, I can't stand to take another year of full time school. So I thought maybe we could make a deal."

"Alright Jess, I'm listening."

"I'll work part time at the diner and spend the rest of the time studying for a GED, if I don't slack off, I should be able to get the test done in around six months. I'll then spend the remainder of the year here working and paying you back for all the trouble I've caused and how much I owe you for letting me stay. And if it's not long enough I'll stay longer." Jess explained hoping his plan would work because he couldn't think of anything better.

"If you even start to stray and fall back into your old habits, I am going to kick you out." Luke said giving in.

"I promise." Jess said in all sincerity. "Thank you."

"You're welcoming. Throw your stuff down in your room." Luke said pointing to the other side and smirked before adding. "Oh, and you don't get to have your car back until I see that GED."

"Not a problem."

"Good to have you back Jess."

Jess just smiled. "Hey, I know you don't like to read much, but I've started writing a book and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind skimming through it. I need some opinions."

"Sure." Luke replied and with that the two walked to their separate side of the apartment and crashed into their beds. When Jess was about to fall asleep Luke muttered across the room, "You know she hasn't been the same since you left…" knowing that Jess had heard his every word.

_tbc_


	5. The Unexpected Letter

Chapter 5- The Unexpected Letter

_Eruva_

A/N: If Jess sounds cheesy and girly, I'm sorry, I don't really know another way to write these kinda of letters…

Enjoy

She woke up to an unexpected letter sitting next to her on her pillow. She recognized the writing at once from the words that had been scribbled in the margins of her books. It belonged to Jess. With that realization, she quickly pulled the covers closer to her and sat up in her bed to see if he was in her room. But he wasn't. One of her windows, however, was left slightly open. She sighed, guessing that Jess had stopped in Stars Hollow for a quick visit, but hadn't put her name down on the list of people to see. She tore open the letter and began to read.

_Rory,_

_I'm sorry that I can only write this and not tell it to your face, but you know I have never been the best at meaningful conversations. _

_I owe you an explanation to why I left. When I found out I wasn't graduating and that Luke wouldn't let me stay with him any longer, I ran for it. I probably should have said goodbye first, but I didn't want to see that look on your face. See, I promised you I would take you to Prom, that I would graduate and we would work everything out with the 22.8 miles between us. When I knew that it wasn't going to work, I didn't want to see that look of disappointment on your face. I had already gotten it from Luke, but to get it from you, the person who has believed in me and helped me through everything, would have been unbearable Yes, leaving without saying goodbye does make me a coward. But I have never had, in my life, a person to disappoint, and disappointing you and Luke will always be in my mind. _

_So, I'm sorry I left, because honestly, nothing since then has made me as remotely happy as I was when I was here with you. I'm not asking for us to pick things back up from where we started, but can you find it in yourself to forgive me. I've moved back to Stars Hollow, after promising Luke I would finish my GED and work at the diner to pay him back for all the trouble I've caused. I have convinced him to close the diner this morning, however, you and your mom are welcome to come in, and, most likely, yell at me. _

_I hope you can forgive me, _

Jess

Rory finished the letter and now that she had an explanation, she was happy. Jess was back. Something she had wished for, for so long was finally happening. She was happy and excited to see how much he had changed. She was scared though, because him coming back meant that he had to have made some significant change his life to face his fears. But, she had spent so many days missing him that she didn't really care if he was different, she just wanted to see him and be with him.

She got out of bed and went into her mom's room and jumped on the bed to wake her up. "Mom!" She screamed.

"Five more minutes, devil child." Her mother replied from underneath all her blankets.

"We've got to go to Luke's NOW! Jess is back!"

At the last phrase her mom jump straight up in bed. "What? How do you know?"

Rory laughed at her mom and handed her the letter. "I'm going to take a shower." With that she left her mom's room.

Twenty minutes later Lorelei had forgiven Jess for leaving Rory like that, because she knew how it felt to not want to disappoint important people in her life. The two Gilmores were walking silently down the street to Luke's diner. When they reached, there was a crowd of people looking in at the diner through the windows.

"Hey, Kirk, what's going on?" Rory asked Kirk because he was the first one they ran into.

"Apparently Luke wants to see you two because you're the only ones allowed in the diner this morning." He replied and walked away.

Rory felt scared, all the "what if"s were running through her head. "It's gonna be ok." Her mom whispered in her ear, giving her shoulders a light squeeze before opening the diner's door.

"Luke!" Lorelei screamed.

"We're upstairs you two. Lorelei, do you promise not to rip his head off." Luke screamed down from the apartment above the diner.

"Yes, I've quite forgiven him now." She answered as the two come up the stairs.

"That's a first." Luke said opening the door. "Let's leave the two alone." He told Lorelei pulling her arm and dragging her downstairs.

Rory slowly pushed the door further open and walked into the room. She stopped at the sight before her. Jess looked exactly the same. Little did she know that Jess was thinking the same thing about her. There was a comfortable silence as the two tried to take in as much as possible about the other.

Finally Rory spoke, "I forgive you, but I still wish you had told me. But I forgive for that because I know it feels to never want to disappoint someone."

Jess walked forward and pulled Rory into a hug, thinking about how happy he was to hear her say that. "I've missed you," he whispered to her. "You look good."

"And so do you," she replied happy to be in his arms again. They pulled apart and she asked him "no more running?"

She searched his eyes as he answered, "Not unless my life's on the line," with a smile on his face.

She laughed and let the words "I love you," slip out of her mouth because they were true and they seemed to fit the time.

She waited as Jess did a double take. "I wasn't expecting that." He whispered and fear entered Rory's mind, "but I love you too, and I'm really glad I'm back or else I don't think I would have ever known."

With that they kissed before heading down the stairs, hand-in-hand, to join their guardians.

_That's the end of this one… I might write a squeal sometime, when spring break comes up. _


End file.
